The first steps!!!!!!!!

Today is the day that I start a path that might actually lead me to the happiness I have searched for my entire life. I know that sounds pretty dramatic, and it of course will not be that grand. But I am owning up for the shitractular last four years. I am putting an end to the "easy way " out that my mom so put it, and I am ending my way of coping. No more DRUGS to use as coping skills. No more letting my crazed mood swings take over my life and no more always being paranoid that this is the day I lose it all. I am going into TREATMENT.

I know what most that know me am thinking , but Robb you have been in it so many times at so many places. Well yes I have and I never really took it that seriously. I did to a point but if it mean that I would truly open and Honestly Quit, or face issues, myself or others it would always fall short.

I want this to be different. the start to a healthy life. I know it won't happen over night or just because I am spending a couple days in treatment. but this time I am going to push myself, Learn how to control myself behaviors and LET SOME OF THIS BAGGAGE GO!!!! I think I have earned that.

I am not going to set myself up to fail again but I am stopping and making Different choices opposition from what I did. And I hope that I can recover myself and the battered friendships and relationships that I have mental abused for so long.

So I know this entry didn't have much directions other to DECLARE this, but I ask for faith from people that hey maybe this time just maybe it will be the time I stop and finally win my life back. .

So I am "disconnection for a bit and will be back after a short time I might return Robin Ryan Ainslie. The one people remember and admired.